e-Letters to Young Poets

Excerpt of an email I had to send out to some people:
It's been a nutty week for me. I'll try to explain it out. For the people I randomly (or incessantly) sent texts/emails/phone calls to, I'll explain later. To the people I yelled at, got frustrated with, got verbally abusive with, walked out on, scared the living bejeezus out of, or plain ass confused; thanks for your patience and um, sorry. I'll work on a better sorry when I see you. And if you absolutely hate me for anything I've said or did; well, um, we'll talk about it. Anyway, first things first.

(1) Get on Grand Central, just register and get an account,
you'll thank me later. Pick a good number too.
(2) Wait for the iPhone, seriously. Why buy any other phone? June 2007 release.
(2a + b) The Wii is ridiculous, best gaming system ever. I'm field testing the DS as we speak too.
(3) If you have no idea what this is all about, then ignore this email and we can talk about it later if you want to -- or not if you don't. Otherwise, all is good and all is fine and life continues as it were.

But if you have questions or need answers, please just email or call me okay? This game of Telephone is not working for me. Ask me first, then ask others if you want to. I'm emailing everyone I felt like I need to email at the moment; I'm not trying to make it any bigger of a "thing" than it already is.

If you really want, read jonyang2000.blogspot.com for now. It's a bit disjointed and crazy, but I'm working on it this week to clean it up. Ok? Thanks. And don't read it if you don't have the time or desire anyway, it's just my temporary repository for me. Ignore me at your leisure; I won't be offended. I just don't want to keep confusing/scarying/confusing people.

Last thing: the book is selling (thanks to all those who helped push it). So if you get in a bookstore, ask for it. Order it in stores, even if you never pick it up. Royalties man, royalties. I haven't been pimping the book hard enough; but now, I'm about to turn into PT Barnum with it (www.jonyang.org). Sell, Sell, Sell. Right Lilly? Flip the book around out of the Computer/Science section to you know, the best seller shelf. The cover to my book is pink and pretty, it'll look good out there -- especially if you strategically cover up *puke* "The Secret."

And if you have spare time, leave a review on Amazon (the US or UK site) for the book. The more reviews I get, the better. The Amazon algorithm takes into account reader reviews, and I
track my Amazon rank like it's the stock market. Drop a review! Even if you've not read it. Ahem.

Last thing, seriously. If you care about my emotional/spiritual/physical/mental well being at all, pray or use your lucky charms/karma to insure that the Boston Celtics get the #1 pick in this year's NBA draft. Or at least the #2. No lower. Seriously. This is the thing that'll make me the happiest young man for the next decade(s). Boston Celtics, #1 draft pick, 2007 NBA Draft. Please! I need the Celtics to have a mini-dynasty in my lifetime, at least one. Please.......

Thanks for listening, thanks for being there, burritos for everybody.

"You just keep your faith in me
Don't act impatiently
You'll get where you need to be
In due time
Even when things go slow
Hold on and don't let go
I'll give you what I owe
In due time"
-Outkast, In Due Time-

Peace,

Apollo ONE-Oh

Holy Calamity, Scream Insanity!

"Manic" describes an increasingly restless, energetic, talkative, reckless, powerful, euphoric period. Lavish spending sprees or impulsive risky sex can occur. Then, at some point, this high-flying mood can spiral into something darker -- irritation, confusion, anger, feeling trapped.
-Bipolar Disorder, Web MD-

Don't you love it when people self-diagnose themselves? "A Pity Party for One," and yeah, that phrase is already trademarked (albeit not by me). I always hated self-diagnosers. I mean, you can always come up with some reason for why you're sick/sad/depressed. As long as you're working on yourself and aware of the big picture; you'll be okay. I never understood the role of drugs in people's lives. "Good" or bad drugs. I never really get sad; for brief moments, but almost never. I never cry or lash out in frustration -- barring basketball or video games.

I'm the most even keeled person I know. Some friends have wondered why I'm so happy-go-lucky all the time. I never knew. Good diet? Fast metabolism? Easy life? Good friends? Being a FOB? Good parents? Being a twin? All those were answers and really, why worry about why you're constantly happy; it's probably better to dwell on the eventual sadness that's sure to hit. Right? Nobody's looking for reasons WHY they're happy; they're looking for ways/reasons to BE happy. I've always been happy or joyful and full of excitement for life. Even when life has superficially sucked.

So anyway, all of that cracked last week (or so); at least in the eyes of the people around me.. I was yelling, screaming, talking hyperspeed, reckless, crying, euphoric, spending cash like I minted it; and um, well, no impulsive risky sex. But that's by design; I fear procreation, always have, always will. Anyway, my friends and family were freaked out. Like super freaked out. If there was a list of things I thought I'd never do in life, one of them might have been "End up in the back of a police car when I'm the main perpetrator."

Everyone's been scouring the Net for reasons behind my crazy actions. They've sent in the A-Team, The (Air) Wolf, The Cleaner, Jennifer Melfi, Ghost Dog, Clarice Starling, and everyone else in order to figure out what's going on. They still don't know. Hell, I don't know. But everyone has been bugging out and worried. I mean, I've told them at various points this week that I'm ready to die, when I'm going to go, and what to do when I die.

By the way, I'm having the best week ever because I've seen all my friends flock to me to hang out -- and to figure out what's wrong with me of course. I got to go home to San Diego; eat carne asadas, eat boba, eat eat eat, and found the greatest movie theatre ever (in Encinitas of all places). I even got my latent cavity filled by my dentist. I got the tattoos I wanted. In three days in San Diego, I did everything -- and more -- I'd wanted to do and had planned to do this summer. Aside from surfing; which it's still too cold to do. But I have all the time in the world to do that too; once I can figure out how to correctly paddle with pipe-cleaner width arms. And yes, I've tried working out...

I don't think anything's wrong. If anything, everything is perfectly, triumphantly, right. I'll try to explain why I believe that's so; now that I (finally) have the time to properly blog -- people around me restricted my phone/computer/wallet access after each transgression and in an effort to get me to slow down and sleep.

I was blasting out texts/emails/blogs/phone calls whenever anyone turned their back on me; since I needed to communicate and my avenues were getting systematically shut down. Didn't exactly inspire trust in my caretakers when I'd slip the leash each time they showered, napped, whatever. Anyway, I'll return to that topic later.

I never felt like a "real" writer because I never had the need to have to write. I mean, I just blogged a lot. That's not writing. I was addicted to blogging and that was more for fun; but last week, amidst all this, I figured out that I need to write. Finally. And I'm unafraid to be a writer now, instead of a blogger. Subtle difference, but big to me. You know?

"I start to think and then I sink
Into the paper like I was ink
When I'm writing, I'm trapped in between the lines,
I escape when I finish the rhyme...I got soul"
-Rakim, You Know You Got Soul-

Still, if I can't explain everything that happened and why -- to myself or others -- then I'm open to suggestions. Even drugs. But really, D.A.R.E. was some seriously shit so that's my last option. I'm aware that these could just be delusions (of grandeur) or visions or something chemically imbalanced; but let me self medicate first -- by writing and explaining -- then you can Brazil me. And if all else fails; I'll turn to G-O-D before medication. And most of you guys know I'm an organized religion hater so that's some serious backup plan.

Anyway, thanks everyone. I know you care; now (I hope) you know I care; and remember, "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires." Peace.

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"
-Kurt Vonnegut-

Al Gore Built a Time Machine, Too

Are you guys familiar with "The Internet Archive Wayback Machine?" You should be. The Internet archives everything folks. Everything. This tool allows you to see what a site used to look like (assuming certain restrictions). So just type in a web site or blog you like, and get ready to hit light speed, get super stringed, whatever.. It's not only fun, but kind of scary powerful. Sure, the site doesn't archive everything, but it archives enough... Hours of fun; guaranteed.

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Check out the archives for Hyperwest.net.

The Pursuit of Happy (Lorelai) Gilmore

Let's play a game. Supposing I was bi-polar, manic, whatever you call it, here's the names of my (public) blogs over the past seven years, in order: Yellow Brick Road, Inner Life, Anachronic, and Diorama. The next one will be Afterbang; for reasons to be explained later.

Typically, I just selected the names of my blogs for some (seemingly, to me) random reason. And then I just ran with a theme. For example, Yellow Brick Road was always written from a two person perspective; it was "The Wizard" and "The Tin Man." The Wizard was me; the Tin Man was me minus the heart.

I've always loved Wizard of Oz (movie, books, lore, etc) but I never really knew why. Anyway, the blog was at first read by three people. Me, Scandalynn, and GJN. That's it, three readers. I was just playing around with it because Jmz introduced me to blogging -- through his own blog and gomakross.org. I thought it was a great tool and much easier to update than the "thoughts" page of my rinky dink homepage from college (original versions dont' exist sadly).

The prime time for anyone to start reading/writing blogs is post-college. You're still curious about what your friends are doing, you're in a low paying administration job (if you're lucky) and you have time to surf the day away. Everyone I've started blogging has pretty much been working and bored out of their mind. Anyway, since I wrote YBR with two voices; people assumed it was two people. Most of my friends assumed it was Pan and I trading off. I let them believe it as long as they wanted. I had five readers anyway.

Here's the review it got (9/9/2001):
"Yellow Brick Road does not carry a yellow colour scheme. It does not mention Dorothy (though the writers are called 'The Wizard' and 'Tin Man'), and there is certainly no mention of any Elton John music. The design of the site is, frankly, poor. A lot of the download time is taken up a a pretty rubbish graphic on the side of the page, and instead of any internal navigation to speak of (archives, about, contact) there are only links off-site and a long, long series of posts dating back to the year 2000.

But the site redeems itself. It's strange, and unexpected; if I wasn't reviewing this site then I would leave it immediately without reading anything simply because the design is so uninspiring. It redeems itself by being different. There are two writers, and for every post they carry a conversation, each taking a different viewpoint, carrying a different opinion. It works very well (not always, but more often than not). The site would score higher if it was more a site and less a page; the design needs work but thankfully the content is just right."

Here's the link for all the header images for YBR. The site used to feature only a weirdly shrunken version of Dali's Hallucinogenic Toreador; my favorite painting ever.

I recall Transcended Joyce commenting on it, saying that it was a blog with (paraphrased) "the most posts on one page she'd ever seen."

If (Good) Looks Could Kill

You know, I had no idea about the whole UofV story? Except that someone was shooting lots of other someones on Monday morning -- which I heard about briefly. Kind of insane right? I caught snip-its of the past few days; but on the drive home from LA to SD; I swore that was just made up. And when one gas attendant -- dude looked like a lady -- looked super scared to even offer me some basic information ("No, our bathroom is broken"); Jmz was like "Oh, he's probably scared because it was a Korean guy."

"A Korean guy what?" Oh.

The ramifications of this is pretty hard to predict; one thing for damn sure: nothing good can come out of this. Does this lead to Vincent Chin #2___? Who knows. But seriously, the fact that this guy left behind startling images/words/videos can only spread the fear that already exists in our inter-racial society.

And Old Boy was a good movie; sort of.

If Middle-Easterners and semi-brown people had much to fear post 9/11; do the yellow people have to fear post 4/16? I'm avoiding the news as much as possible until I wrap my mind around a few (personal) things but this is something that's hard to avoid. Holy shit Batman; I am Batman...

If there's anything anyone could have changed about their lives this past week, I'm sure this would be it. People are trying to figure out who and why. But really; does it matter? It happened, and that's where we stand. Last, first, or otherwise.

Am I going to wish that our predominant stereotype is effeminate, nerdy, and unintelligible? There are so many unhappy people in the world; help me... help you. help me, help you. Ambassador of Quan.

ToeJam & Earl-ing the Thin Red Line

Apparently I'm okay now. I have my laptop back; the computer has made me sane. Or wait. Was it the new orange Shuffle I got today? Dubbed "Electric Kool Aid," its 1 gig goodness will surely evaporate all worries. Or at least drown them out.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find lanyards once you actually look for them? I had to settle for a blue and white striped Roxy one. Yeah, Roxy...

I went on a shopping spree, had quite a few more focused talks (one professional and quite honestly, the only time I've felt completely at rest the past few days; talking-wise), and seen quite a number of friends. Plus, in a few whirlwind days I managed to accomplish just about everything I needed to do in San Diego. Eat burritos, Jamba, boba, chinese, and everything in-between. I got my "Music Medic" idea; using my utility belt to seek-and-destroy people with horrific musical taste. And jammed in-between? Made a few more people scared, mad, and perhaps terrified.

Pretty fun week for me however. Got in some good talks, some good DDTs, and the only real regret I have so far is that I wasn't able to squeeze in any Squabble.

I have gifts for you guys; some physical, some verbal. But I'll get around to it when I can. For now, I'm just going to try to reverse document; not to explain; but to total recall. Then I'll get onto explanations. Maybe.

Um, did I mention I had my bank account (de)frauded for like $1000+? Fun times. I did get the tattoos I wanted though; so with every bad there comes three goods. Or was that the other way around?

The Good Life

Then again, on the other hand:

(1) Met amazing people; saw old friends; happened upon the people I needed to see
(2) Discovered myself
(3) "Think" I found myself and what's important
(4) Figured out my life history; and what it all means
(5) Got more tattoos, the perfect ones I wanted -- not arm sleeves; my arms are too small
(6) Fixed my cavity
(7) Went home to SD, had a burrito, had Jamba, had rest; wish it was warm enough to surf
(8) Am about to bat 2-for-2 on book proposals-to-books sold
(9) Discovered I can do anything; give speeches, freestyle, anything
(10) "I found a reason," Cat Power
(11) Reconciled with many a person in my life -- even if they had no idea what just hit'em.
(12) Poured out love and thanks and gifts -- physical/spiritual/intellectual/emotional -- on many (more to come) people
(13) Started a new blog; which isn't public yet. But it may eventually be dubbed "AFTERBANG"
(14) Basically, simply put: I found my quan. And my ambassador of it.
(15) Life is on the up and up. Up, up, with people. Since everyone made this happen; at the right time. Couldn't have gotten here without you. Thanks, and sorry.

Disclaimer: "Speed kills." It really does. Be careful how fast you drive (literally and figuratively).
Instincts lead the way; not the marines. Where the path goes? Nobody knows. Just follow......

"LFrankBaum: So, you won't take warning, eh? All the worse for you. I'll take care of you now instead of later. When I gain those ruby slippers, my power will be the greatest in Oz. Now my beauties. Something with poi-son in it I think. With poison in it. But attractive to the eye and soothing to the smell. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Poppies. Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sle-ee-p. Now they'll sle-ee-p."