Take A Look Over My Shoulder, As I Get Older

Books Bought:
The Ender's Game Series
Tao Te Ching
Bible (King James)
Homeland
Time of the Twins
The Golden Compass
The Prophet
Letters to A Young Poet

Over the past two weeks, I've been storming into bookstores and purchasing blocks of books. I usually refrain from buying books because they're prohibitively expensive. But now that money's no object, I had books that I needed to re-read; books I needed to give to other people; books I needed to explore. All the books listed above I've pored over -- more than once usually -- with the exception of The Golden Compass. Two weeks ago, I was convinced that Pullman's book would explain the concept of Heaven to me; even though I never read it -- I'm going read it and find out.

See, during the height of my paranoia/manic/whatever, I was sure that I was re-enacting Ender's Game. Clearly, I'm not. I'm no child general on the path to geno- or xeno-cide. By the way, this was after I was convinced the Bible was speaking directly to me; for me. Anyway. I read the second Ender's book today, "Speaker for the Dead," and that solidified my position. I may not be in Ender's Game but I'm learning a hell of a lot from it.

Note that I didn't once consider buying any of Rand's books, Carl Sagan's books, Kundera, or anything by Nick Hornby; the books I tend to re-read over and over again the most.

Sometimes I think it's weird that I love re-reading so much. But the reason I re-read is not only because each new reading reveals additional layers of depth but because I forget the ending. How did Fountainhead end? How did Ender's end? How did the Bible end? Well, that one I know. But the thing is: I know how all these end (I've read them tons of times) but for some reason I choose to forget. So I re-read to see if I can glean something new and then shuttle forward to the last few climactic chapters. I like the suspense of not knowing the ending; I choose to forget the purpose of a particular trail of bread crumbs so that when I'm hungry, I can follow them again.

Now I'm doing this with these few books listed above; which I've been carrying around with me in a small shoebox. I've always read fast but maybe not deep. Now I'm doing both. Any normal sized book I touch is easily finished within a few hours. I used to worry that I wasn't understanding enough by reading this way. Now I think I wasn't understanding enough because I was avoiding the answers presented to me.

I have tons of questions nowadays, as well as a ton of answers; but not enough of either. Reading "Speaker for the Dead" made me think that maybe, maybe, this is now my favorite book of all time. To replace Rand, Carl, and whatever else holds that lofty title.

I'm reading The Golden Compass next; then I'll move on to the Bible and the Tao. In the meantime, I was distributing books for people to read; because I felt the book I gave to them said something about me or the connection I felt with them (Test of the Twins to George; Prophet to BB and L; Letters to L). Now I'm realizing that even with information laid bare; not everyone will read. I hope people do, and if they do, start with Ender's and End with Speaker.

It's said we may all be living a lie; but maybe I'm just living a book(s).

"A complex man drawn off of simplicity
Reality is frisking me
This industry will make you lose intensity
The Common Sense in me remembers the basement
I'm Morpheus in this hip-hop Matrix, exposing fake shit
Somedays I take the L to gel with the real world"
-Common, The Sixth Sense-