In Waking Life, We Sleep

When you're a young boy into comic books and world of fantasy, all you dream about is having a super power. Which one? Well, any one will do -- barring being a math or music prodigy. Once you get past the initial fascination with Superman (the prototypical superhero most young boys come into contact with first), you start to find yourself identifying with more obscure superheroes. For me, it was X-Men. I wasn't into the Justice League after awhile because the X-Men were just, well, cooler. The idea that you didn't need to be an alien, rich, empowered, or imbued with any special gifts aside from having the latent mutant gene was a powerful one.

Traditionally, the mutant gene kicks in when a person hits puberty. Hormones and stress equal mutant powers and crazy angst. Genius. It's been said that Stan Lee's best move with the X-Men was to make them teenagers and outcasts. From there, the mutant population could be tied into racism and many of the underlying themes of the X-Men comics deals with their ostracization by the world of humans. Homo sapiens superior are coming to get'cha. Charles Xavier fights for one side; Magneto the other -- their goals are the same but their (initial) methods differed.

The first super power anybody wants is probably invisibility. It's not even a super power. It's just something people want. A giant "What If." Ralph Ellison tackled the social ramifications of being "invisible," and everyone else probably took the idea more literally -- at least I did. If I was invisible I could ______. But keep it real, invisibility kinda sucks though as a "super" power.

What's next? Flight. Who doesn't want to fly? Would you rather be invulnerable like Superman, have x-ray and heat vision, super senses, or be able to fly to the sun and back? To be honest, nowadays I'd probably settle for Clark Kent's journalism skills but as a kid I wanted flight. Shit, even Hawkman was cool back then and he only carried around a flimsy mace and had bird wings. Flight of any kind (even gliding) fascinates us because we can't do it naturally. Daedalus, the Wright Brothers, the Hindenburg, Lindbergh, Chuck Yeager, the Blue Angels, Top Gun, Calvin (& Hobbes), His Airness; I used to read about anything flight related. Who knew that all it took to get wings is some Red Bull?

After reading a bunch of comics, you start to realize that some characters have much better powers than other characters. Angel (pre-Arch-) was kind of weak. Cyclops without the tactical training? Weak. Anybody with physical powers? Weak. Hell, even Wolverine was kinda wack without his healing factor, his fighting prowess, and his mysterious Canadian upbringing. Despite that, in eighth grade I hoped for cold shiny claws to pop out of my paws every day. Usually in class when I hoped to slice my way out of my seat. Or slice my way out of my braces. Either or. Middle school might have been the peak of my geek/dork-dom. Oh wait, there was high school followed by college. I peaked early and just kept on setting new records. Anyway.

Once you figure out how all the super powers work and what could possibly be realistically achievable (scientifically speaking), you kind of give up on flight, healing factors, claws, being super strong/fast. You start to figure out that mental powers are the best. Psychics are crazy powerful. There's a reason Jean Gray is the best mutant around. Class 5 as it were. She's got telekinesis and telepathy. Pretty crazy. A notch below her? Professor X, who happens to be the most powerful telepath in the Marvel or DC Universe. So really, telepathy is the power to lust after. The Phoenix Force is nice, but really, who the hell wants to be able to consume planets and annihilate reality? Not me. I have problems microwaving shit correctly. I can barely fix a flat tire; much less muddle in people's (sub)consciouses. "With great power comes great responsibility," and I'm just fine with minimal responsibility and medium to adequate superpowers.

But oh sweet telepathy. How useful that could be. I could see anyone's mental underwear, I could predict the future (sort of), I could be the life of the party. I am Jedi. I am Ken Jennings exponential. I'm a gazillionaire. I'm smarter than a fifth grader. So, the superpower I'd most want? Telepathy.

Here's the problem: I never identified with Professor X. He's bald, he's in a wheelchair, he has weird motivations, he is Jean Luc-Picard. I can't supplant that. So what did I figure out last week? I'm Nightcrawler. Which is fine by me. I've always liked him best, for some strange reason. Now I (think) I know why.

He gets to teleport away; leaving a brimstone stink behind whenever he exits; he goes into an alternate dimension and then pops out on the other side with no Earth-time lost. He mini-time travels, sort of. In addition, the movie version of Nightcrawler is covered with religious tattoos (a change I didn't particularly care for at the time). He speaks German, I say "danke." When he teleports he can take people with him; I can't be alone, I need friends around me constantly. He only teleports to places he has seen, or can see; I only go places I know I'll like. The connections go on but I won't bore you. About that prehensile tail... Anyway. Nightcrawler isn't the most powerful X-Man ever (ranking only thirteenth in my Top 20 Most Powerful X-Men list) but he's pretty damn perfect for me.

[Nightcrawler's] greatest power is his ability to teleport himself and some additional mass from one location to another. He does this by means of entering an alternate dimension briefly and reappearing in a desired location.

Because teleporting into other solid matter would cause severe injury or death, he will only teleport to an area he is familiar with or that he can clearly see. His power automatically displaces liquids and gases when he "arrives".

After Nightcrawler teleports, he leaves behind a faint scent of brimstone said to be transported from the alternate dimension through which he travels. A loud *bamf* noise is always present whenever he teleports (it being the sound of air rushing to fill the space he was just occupying).

"I'll see you in limbo
because heaven won't take us
and hell's afraid we'll take over."

That's what I used to write in people's yearbooks in middle school. Both of my close friends did it. I really had no idea what it meant but it made more sense to me than "Have a good summer" or "Keep in touch!" In hindsight, I'm just amazed I had any friends -- much less two.

If you have spare time, this same train of reverse reasoning led me to figure out why I like Guenhwyvar so much. Not being able to derail that train of thought got me to why I like Janet Jackson's "Black Cat" song so much. And yeah, I'll be stopping right here. Let's be friends?

"Black cat nine lives short days long nights
Livin' on the edge not afraid to die
Heart beat real strong but not for long
Better watch your step or you're gonna die"